Summer 2009: Part 1

Well, well, well. It looks like once again I have promised to consistently write and failed to do so. What a shame. The world has been missing out. Needless to say, stuff came up in my life that shifted where my priorities lay. If anything, I have become more impressed by professional bloggers who spend hour after hour dedicating their time towards managing their blogs. Kudos to you. I started writing a post after graduation and right before I left for camp, but I never got a chance to finish. It was to be a reflection on my college graduation, but I am now combining that with this post as a reflection on the summer of 2009. This post is dedicated to Viki Moreno.

Where to begin. The time after graduation was an emotional roller coaster to say the least. Friday, June 12, 2009, was my university's Baccalaureate Mass. I went. I saw. I didn't care. I left. I exaggerate. In retrospect it was good, though I wasn't enthused at the time. I mainly went for my parents, to give them the bells and whistles of their eldest graduating from college. I do recall being upset at the time though. I felt the whole thing failed to be well organized. The only thing we were told was "Baccalaureate Mass at 4pm". No on said, "Graduates meet at 3pm," or "Wear your cap and gown!" No, that would have made to much sense. Thanks to some wonderful people though (Melissa & Marina) I figured out what I needed to do. My mom ended up working that day downtown, so after my dad got home early and got ready, we left for downtown to pick her up, only to get stuck in traffic. We picked her up, got stuck in traffic again, then got to school a couple minutes before the mass started. My parents dropped me off at the Student Center (that's our "student union") and went off to park and go to the church. There were people standing outside wearing their stuff and holding banners, and I was like, "that's it?" Of course it wasn't though. So with my gear in hand, I head in and see a massive amount of people standing in two lines wearing their stuff. I ask someone at the front who looks like they're in charge if there's a sign-in or special order or something, and they say, "Nope. Just get in line." That was it. . Fortunately, I saw my old friend Claudia in line and she pulled me in and helped me get dressed (sounds awkward I know), then we marched off to the church.

I have to admit, the processional/entry part of the evening was kind of awesome. As we walked down the street towards the church, various brass quartets were located along the path playing music for us. I didn't know whether to feel academic or regal. So we march and get to the church, make our way up and head in. I don't know what the band/orchestra/choir was playing, but it was beautiful. Nerd Alert: It kind of had a medieval university vibe to it. At least that’s what I pictured: myself in some medieval academic ceremony. Wearing the gown definitely helped. Long story short: it was alright. the graduates took up half the church and it was pretty much standing room only if you got there late (Sorry Mom and Dad!). The mass was nice. It was bilingual (Spanish) which I thought was really odd (and awkward). It was cool though. I got the feeling that everyone there was Catholic, which I found strange. Now you may say, "Carlos, you do realize you attend the country's largest Catholic university, right?" And yes, but contrary to popular belief, I never had Catholicism shoved down my throat. In fact, in a quest for diversity, my school was always very accepting of other faiths and incorporated other traditions where it could. Not being Catholic, I appreciated that. So when I heard "mass," I didn't think we'd be having an actual religious experience. I was so used to participating in religious events without being religious, that perhaps I miscalculated the religiosity of this event itself. After the mass was a picnic in the quad which was nice (except for the $5 for a tiny cup of wine... LAME!)


The following Sunday, June 14th, I participated in my university's 111th commencement ceremony (that means graduation). It was what I hope will be the first of three higher education commencements I will attend in my life. Though technically I still had work to complete, I still got the opportunity to walk. I wasn't originally excited about walking; frankly, I didn't care. The honest reason I decided to participate in the ceremony was to please my parents. 5% so they could be proud of me, 95% so they wouldn't disown me.

I can honestly say that I am glad these past 5 years of college life are over. Not because they were horrible, but because I can finally move onto not a new chapter, but a whole new book of my life. The days leading up to graduation were filled with so many thoughts and feelings. I laughed, I cried, cried some more, and needless to say I was pretty much stressed and emotional the entire time. Because I wasn't technically done with my degree, I felt like all of graduation weekend was a bit of a sham. However, as soon as I got on stage and walked across to shake the president's hand, I felt excited and relieved. It's over! I don't consider myself to be student anymore. Though I may have some loose ends to tie up, this loss of an identity is very liberating.


For the past 18 years, I have been and have always identified as a student above everything else. It was fun, but 18 years of the same thing gets repetitive really fast. Towards the middle of college, I was already starting to feel burned out. Yes I am young, but still. At a certain point, I came to the realization that I would rather be doing something else. Now, of course I wasn't willing to quit school, that would just have been stupid. But it certainly accounts for my lack of motivation towards the end of my academic career. To soon, I reached a point where I just wanted to work, and I wouldn't have cared if it were at Target, just as long as it was something else. Something new. New experiences, new people. I felt like I had already achieved what I could have out of DePaul. What I will remember most about DePaul is my experience outside of class. The people I met. My development as a human being. I just didn't feel like there was much left.

So, what now? Now it's months later. I'm in the "real world." What now? I find that I don't miss school, but I'm still excited about going back one day. I just need enough time to do something else with my life. Work a new job. See the world. Do some service. Anything other than be a student. I'm excited about the possibilities. I'm also overwhelmed. No longer do I have a daily routine to dictate life. I wake up in the morning and think, "what do I do now"? So that's the question. With this abundance of freedom, what do I do now? Simple answer: move forward.

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